it's been a while..

yes, it's been ages since I last updated this blog.  I have sooo much to tell but don't know where to start.  But, to tell you, I am really bothered and sad at the moment again.  I will not give the details as people following this blog will probably skip reading it or probably, proceed to delete my link in their respective blogs.. Hehehe.  But then again, this is my blog, this is my personal space.

Maybe in time, I'll begin to share some of it.  I believe there are issues, personal issues that should not be shared in the world wide web.  I hope you understand.  I still want some privacy for a little bit.  Anyway, this I tell you, life really throws issues after issues at you and that no matter how much you avoid it, it will really land smack on your face... and your heart...  But then again, on a positive note, this is just one-of-those days.  I will emerge from this situation, hopefully, unscathed and with a stronger FAITH in HIM.  It is in HIM we will find all the answers.

back to regular programming...

I'm back!!! After sooo many days of no update, I'm back!   I have been busy with my last few days at Big Blue trying to close some things with a project I was handling.  Plus, to add, typhoons coming into the Philippines kept me, I mean 'us', busy with all the cleaning, etc.

Hopefully, you'll see more updates from me moving forward...  Watch out for it! =)

could have been..

it really is happening?! haayyyy.. So many could have beens but then again, you can NEVER EVER bring back the time.. I just wish her good luck and congratulations!  I am truly very, very happy for her.

This month has been a depressing month for me. So many nostalgia.. I've been having sleepless nights over it. My heart desperately cries for the loss. I have to keep an open mind and heart. Look towards the future. Trust GOD above all things but please, don't blame me when I have those times that I feel very, very low. I will get over it. Just let this month pass by...

kung anu-ano na lang

I was in the midst of writing a management report out for a project when I bailed out =P ! Jeeeezzzz! I'm not saying that I'll not be finishing it; I will get back to it later today. It's one of those days that I feel utterly B-O-R-E-D! :P No amount of reading or writing or watching will kill this boredom.... I just feel....... bored! Haayyy.. =(

Thinking of those things I needed to do makes me lazy. Does that make sense? I have scrapbooks to finish, books and magazines to read, travels to blog (not to brag but to document), movies to watch, and so on and on and on.. =).

Bear with me friends, it's probably just one of those days. I'll get better tomorrow. Promise! =)

Oh btw, my whole week WFH (Work From Home) has already started this week. My good friend, Judith, have already started her Vacation Leaves until our last day of office on Oct 2. Sniff! =( No point now going to the office ALONE. It'll just make me sad to see empty cubicles around me =( .

mixed emotions

As the countdown for my hubby's arrival begins, i can feel both excitement and anxiety. I miss my hubby soooo much. It has been almost 3 months since we last saw each other. Yes, we do have our daily webcam chats but feeling his physical presence is way, waaaaay different =( .

He's going to be here in November and will stay for only 3 weeks. After that, he's back to his overseas assignment. Sigh... Not that I'm complaining. His overseas assignment opened up a lot of opportunities for us. For him, a chance to hone his professional skills and for us, well, a chance to save, financially. It got a lot of perks too. Even though he's on overseas assignment for 2 yrs, he has a chance to go home here every 6 months. Come to think of it? I can come with him but we both understand that the place he's at now is not really that "female" friendly.

By October, I'm going to be separated from Big Blue. Hubby and I agreed that I'll rest for awhile after my stint at Big Blue. It's actually a perfect chance for us to focus in 'making' a family. Now! THAT is why I'm feeling anxious and pressured at the same time. November is actually pretty close and I'm NERVOUS. I don't know why but I feel pressured =(. What if our wishes doesn't happen yet? Now what? Wait for another 6 months? Boredom is gonna kill me; well, actually, my wallet will get a bad beating (read previous posts). Kidding aside, I really, really feel the pressure creeping in...

Lights Out at the Big Blue

Things have been happening pretty fast at the Big Blue. We just had our Lights Out Celebration last Friday. Of course, I shed tears seeing the last video showing up in the screen. Well, come to think of it, Friday was the day of the many lasts.. Did i make sense? =) Hmm.. it was the last group celebration I have attended for the company I worked for for 6+ years... last day I went home late from the office.. last night I saw our company logo brightly lit against the darkness of the night.. last time I was in the rec hall... so, many last times! =( I am positive though that it's not going to be the last time I will be seeing my friends from the Big Blue =) .

I admit though that I still feel sadness even though the closure announcement has been done almost 1 and a half years ago. That long?? Yah, we knew before then that we will be separated from Big Blue. It was really a blessing that we lasted this long. Again, we're still lucky =).

still alive and kicking..

i have been so busy lately after hubby left last May. Things started to pick up with the last project am handling prior my separation with the Big Blue which took up most of my time... err, aside from Resto City in Facebook and reading posts in GT. I spend most of my time in the gym too trying to lose the 4 pounds I gained when hubby was here. Slowly but surely, am getting back in shape. I'm losing inches but my weight still stays the same and this has been depressing me alot. =( Oh well! i guess I need to wait, besides, it's only been 2 mos since I started exercising, with 3 weeks rest in between. =)

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The rainy season is officially here. The weather has been gloomy for almost a week now. Expect to see growing cases of different kinds of diseases like the H1N1, etc. They spread like wildfire during the cold and rainy season. =(

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Now i'm busy with Artscow. Their 4x6 prints costs only $0.06 (Php 3.00) each which is by the way, 50% cheaper than local prints! I've been uploading tons of pictures since this morning. =)

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Have you ever felt you're at the crossroad of your professional career? Admittedly, I am and this got me confused and still is confusing me.. I pray that I chose the path that God lays down for me.

sadness...

i put myself to sleep last night silently crying.. I don't know why but the thought of learning last night my friend's baby's gender made me slightly jealous. Her baby is only 1 month older than our 2nd baby. My brother's baby too is 2 wks older than ours but again, it made me secretly jealous when he told me that the baby is most likely to be a girl. Seriously..... I am happy for them... but at the same time, my heart is filled with sadness, loneliness and yearning for the baby we lost 2 mos ago. Is this normal? I just hope so..

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Yesterday was Mother's Day, while we were celebrating with both families, we passed by SM dept store and bought some toiletries. While paying, the lady in the cashier booth greeted me with a smile a "Happy Mother's Day" after giving me my change. I just gave her a tight smile, but, in reality, i wanted to give her a "bonk" in the head. Not all married women are mothers.

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During lunch time yesterday, my 7 year old sis-in-law innocently asked me if I am a mother. After thinking for awhile, i finally said "NO" and explained to her what a mother is.

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Since hubby arrived 2 Thurs ago, people have been giving me unsolicited advices to give it a try (having a baby) again. Not easy... For starters, my health, not yet normal. I still have blood tests to complete.

We're not emotionally ready threading the pregnancy waters again. At least, not yet...

i want to...

i want to...

...play the piano.
...play the violin.
...be a college professor.
...go shopping till midnight!
...lose more weight! 20 lbs to go! Yihaa!
...baby-yo to come home soon.
...have a mala-diva singing voice!
...learn how to swim.
...do a shopping spree on local airline promotions :) .
...eat double dutch ice cream.
...have my dad here in the Phils.
...learn how to earn online.
...learn professional photography.
...go to Peru to see the Machu Pichu ruins.
...have a resort in Palawan.
...go and visit Batanes.
...travel the Philippines.
...see Jerusalem.
...try scuba diving to conquer my fear in the open water.
...have WORLD PEACE.
...see my grandpa and my 2 angels.
...do a roadtrip up north.
...have my own business.
...be confident.



so, what do YOU want?

no goodbyes... yet..

It's been awhile since i posted updates in this blog. Anyways, for starters, I started office work on schedule as I mentioned in my previous post. Truthfully, going back to work has been uneventful. No life turning events, no heart thumping corporate news, nothing. =) my boss has been kind enough to PERMANENTLY give my work to colleagues. Yes, you read it right. =) It's inevitable, it's bound to happen sooner or later. i'm cool with it. it simply means, no working my butt off 7am-4pm during weekdays. Don't get me wrong, i still love working. This global financial crisis just crept it's way at the BIG BLUE resulting to local operations being shutdown PERMANENTLY. I still consider myself blessed as we were given notice about it a year ago. Right now, i still got 5 mos to go before i say good bye to the company i've been with for the past 6+yrs. What will i do with the 5 mos? Well, i'll do back-up stuff in case my colleagues are unavailable, on leave and wat-have-yous. I'm ok with that, it will help make my mind work. Same time, i'll take advantage of the numerous trainings the company, TESDA and DBM will be offering. I took a peek at the various offerings and it was really nice (entrepreneurship, financial mgmt, photography 101, many more!)! Oh, btw, did i mention all of these trainings are FREE??? All paid for by the BIG BLUE. =) that's why i'm still lucky. =)

eheads.. the final set

i'm currently watching the tv version of the latest Eraserheads concert 2 mos ago at MOA. If you asked me whether I was able to watch it, well... NO! i was supposed to be pregnant during that time. oh well...

Anyways, oh MAN! it brought back great memories during my sophomore year in high school at St. Paul. You see, once upon a time, THE Eraserheads was invited to have a gig. I still can remember how close I was sitted to the band during that time. I must have been like less than 10 meters away from them. To those who are familiar with St Paul Pque's gym, you know what I mean ;) To others, it's not exactly your average kind of gym, it is small actually. Ewan ko lang ngayon kung kaya pa ganun kalapit from the band =). So, back to my kwento... before the gig even started, we were screaming our heads off na while they were doing set-ups on the stage and fine tuning their instruments. I think during that time they were still starting out and just released their first album pa lang. I still have a copy of their first album in casette tape! hehehe! I even started learning how to play the guitar para I can play their songs! =) Again, back to my story... a couple of boys from St. Andrew's (a then, all boy's school across the street), were getting rowdy, doing piggy-backs pa tapos opening up their lighters. We were sooo uncontrollable eh during that time pa, our school directress was very strict! As in, verrryyyy strict! So, what she did was, she went up the stage and just stand there. After awhile, she took the mic and scolded everyone of us. She even threatened to cancel the whole gig if we don't behave. The whole crowd was stunned! So, what happened after that??? Since we were just little girls and boys back then, we toned down and afterawhile, the whole gym literally fell silent. The only remaining sound was from Ely's guitar. You see, he was tuning his guitar while we were being scolded. =) Our School Directress was probably really mad at us, she told Ely, "STOP THAT!", in a very stern and irritated voice. HAHAHAHA!! =) At eto pa, Ely did stop and just stood their looking at us! Teehee!! =) I felt so amused and embarrassed at the same time.

Now, if you want to ask if the gig continued? Fortunately, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was really great! We were singing along with them and memorize ko pa talaga lahat ng songs nila. =)

The E-heads has really come a long way. From being a "one-of-those bands" to a "now legendary Filipino band of all-time". I am happy that I was a part of it, at least, somehow... =)