the greatest adventure of them all...

We have climb mountains, crossed several rough seas... but this... THIS is going to be the greatest adventure of them all... =)

Photo Courtesy:  Yours truly... =)

the long wait...

Tomorrow will mark the 29th week of my pregnancy.  I am on my 7th month mark!  Whew!  A few more weeks to go and we'll be able to see our precious little girl! =)

I've been thinking about how me and hubby could not control ourselves from buying cute baby stuff after my ex-officemates from APC gave a baby shower last July 15. 

Gaby's baby shower gifts!!!

Me with the gang! =)

 

Ever since the baby shower, it sort off made a signal to us to start buying stuff for her!  Now, we have a cabinet full of clothes and baby items for her and this does not include yet the stuff we bought from AMAZON.  Her Ninang Cha will be sending the box to us via LBC and hopefully arrives here on time on September.  I really can't wait for the box to arrive! =)  Her Graco travel system has also been shipped via POBOX.  I hope to get it by next month too.

Now, being a full time housewife again (this deserves another post), I spend most of my time in front of my laptop just reading and reading about pregnancy, breastfeeding and first time mom baby tips!  I get quite nervous sometimes thinking about caring for her.  Newborns are really fragile and I haven't really quite carried, more so, cared for a newborn all my life!  But I know that when she finally says 'hello' to our world, my mothering instincts will kick in.

Again, I got ~2.5 months to go until I see her.  I might as well be productive and start reading/learning again.  Getting an online job is out of the question for now.  Though, I might start looking on to that later on after her christening.  Which reminds me, I have to start making preparations for her 'binyag' on December.  We'll have limited time for it once Gaby is out!  ;) 

A Gift from God

Before anything else...

Yes, I'm back!!

It's been a while.. Its really has been quite some time since I visited my own blog site. =)  Anyway, starting today, you will regularly see updated posts coming from me... hopefully.. =)

For the past couple of months, I have been busy with work.  I never though I'd say that!! HAHA!  Yah, I was busy with work..  eherm.. stress on the WAS ok?? More on that on my next posts...

Our lives had another 360 degree turn last February 19.  Found out that day that WE ARE PREGNANT!!  =)  I am currently turning 16 weeks pregnant by tomorrow. =)

Anyway, I'll be back.  I just need to finish some stuff.  Take care friends! =)

on our little angel..

The arrival of our little angel is still much awaited amongst our families. After months of waiting, well... unfortunately, we are still waiting... =( I have transferred OBs and this new OB of mine have lesser patients thus, more time for us (her patients) in discussing our work-up strategies. She has requested me again to lose weight =(. Yah! I gained around 8-10lbs upon arrival of hubby last February. There is something about enjoying food while with your loved ones, right?! So, again, on losing weight, I restarted going to the gym, took up a new sport (mountainbiking) and I am enjoying it! =) This coming weekend, we might be undergoing trail training with a professional mountainbiker! How cool is that?! =) I hope it doesn't rain though. Muddy trails would be hell on our newbie legs =P.

Back to our little angels... an online friend of mine finally got pregnant!!! After years of waiting and spending $$$ on work ups, her little angel was finally conceived the natural way, isn't that the most amazing news?! I am joing her in praying for her to have a safe pregnancy.

As for us, I know our little angel will soon come, well, baby.. sweetheart.. we will be here waiting...

it's not yet time...

I want to cry out all the frustration I am feeling right now.  What could have gone wrong?  We followed orders and did everything we need to do but still... 

How am I going to go through Christmas with you shying away from me and Daddy? I'm all alone.  Daddy is away for 6 mos which makes me super sad right now.

I guess it's STILL not the right time baby.  I'll see you soon, hopefully. 

we're getting serious

I had my OB check up again with Dra. Manalo last Monday.  She got to see my tests results again and finally confirmed that I have elevated androgen (male hormones) in my body.  Am I turning into a guy, eh?  hehehe! Anyway, these androgen hormones are resulting to not-so-good quality eggs from me; hence, the miscarriages.  She told me that the problem is not on me but on our babies that's why the pregnancies are not continuing.    

She gave me an oral steroid to take for 15 days to lower down my androgen hormones plus some fertility pills.  Being the curious-me, I immediately researched on the steriod medicine that I will be taking.  The condition I have is, nonclassic congenital adrenal hyperplasia.  You can know more about it here:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/congenital-adrenal-hyperplasia/DS00915.

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On another note,  I am sharpening my cooking skills with my extra time =).  I plan to impress hubby when he comes back for a vacation! Haha!  =)  Wish me luck!

could have been..

it really is happening?! haayyyy.. So many could have beens but then again, you can NEVER EVER bring back the time.. I just wish her good luck and congratulations!  I am truly very, very happy for her.

This month has been a depressing month for me. So many nostalgia.. I've been having sleepless nights over it. My heart desperately cries for the loss. I have to keep an open mind and heart. Look towards the future. Trust GOD above all things but please, don't blame me when I have those times that I feel very, very low. I will get over it. Just let this month pass by...

mixed emotions

As the countdown for my hubby's arrival begins, i can feel both excitement and anxiety. I miss my hubby soooo much. It has been almost 3 months since we last saw each other. Yes, we do have our daily webcam chats but feeling his physical presence is way, waaaaay different =( .

He's going to be here in November and will stay for only 3 weeks. After that, he's back to his overseas assignment. Sigh... Not that I'm complaining. His overseas assignment opened up a lot of opportunities for us. For him, a chance to hone his professional skills and for us, well, a chance to save, financially. It got a lot of perks too. Even though he's on overseas assignment for 2 yrs, he has a chance to go home here every 6 months. Come to think of it? I can come with him but we both understand that the place he's at now is not really that "female" friendly.

By October, I'm going to be separated from Big Blue. Hubby and I agreed that I'll rest for awhile after my stint at Big Blue. It's actually a perfect chance for us to focus in 'making' a family. Now! THAT is why I'm feeling anxious and pressured at the same time. November is actually pretty close and I'm NERVOUS. I don't know why but I feel pressured =(. What if our wishes doesn't happen yet? Now what? Wait for another 6 months? Boredom is gonna kill me; well, actually, my wallet will get a bad beating (read previous posts). Kidding aside, I really, really feel the pressure creeping in...

blood tests are in!!!

Ok, after working on it for the past 2 mos, I'm almost finished. Almost? Yah, i need to wait for hubby's karyotyping results plus I still need to take my glucose tolerance tests.

As for the results, thank GOD almost everything looks good. One of my hormonal tests, particularly DHEAS RIA, skyrocketed and surpassed the maximum normal value. I've done a little bit of research but it's hard understanding it with all the medical terms. I'll be visiting my OB as soon as I'm all done. Wish me luck! =)

sadness...

i put myself to sleep last night silently crying.. I don't know why but the thought of learning last night my friend's baby's gender made me slightly jealous. Her baby is only 1 month older than our 2nd baby. My brother's baby too is 2 wks older than ours but again, it made me secretly jealous when he told me that the baby is most likely to be a girl. Seriously..... I am happy for them... but at the same time, my heart is filled with sadness, loneliness and yearning for the baby we lost 2 mos ago. Is this normal? I just hope so..

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Yesterday was Mother's Day, while we were celebrating with both families, we passed by SM dept store and bought some toiletries. While paying, the lady in the cashier booth greeted me with a smile a "Happy Mother's Day" after giving me my change. I just gave her a tight smile, but, in reality, i wanted to give her a "bonk" in the head. Not all married women are mothers.

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During lunch time yesterday, my 7 year old sis-in-law innocently asked me if I am a mother. After thinking for awhile, i finally said "NO" and explained to her what a mother is.

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Since hubby arrived 2 Thurs ago, people have been giving me unsolicited advices to give it a try (having a baby) again. Not easy... For starters, my health, not yet normal. I still have blood tests to complete.

We're not emotionally ready threading the pregnancy waters again. At least, not yet...

numb...

we recently lost our baby... it was the most heart crushing thing that has ever happened to me ever since we lost our first baby too last 2007. both babies weren't able to even pass the first trimester... the first one was most likely a blighted ovum. why most likely? coz, when i had the ultrasound, they only saw remnants. I may have already passed the sac and other products of conception when I was passing blood clots the night before; so, my OB just diagnosed it as blighted ovum. Now, the 2nd one, just this Feb, our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I was really devastated when the sonographer told me, "Mrs, walang tibok ng puso". Imagine, i have my cellphone camera aimed at the monitor since my hubby specifically requested for me to capture a video or the least a photograph of our baby. You see, he is on overseas assignment. He had a month-long vacation just prior the holidays, so having that baby is short of a miracle. But then again, i lost the baby...

i can't THINK, i can't BREATH, i can't SLEEP... i just keep on thinking what have I done wrong to deserve this..