i put myself to sleep last night silently crying.. I don't know why but the thought of learning last night my friend's baby's gender made me slightly jealous. Her baby is only 1 month older than our 2nd baby. My brother's baby too is 2 wks older than ours but again, it made me secretly jealous when he told me that the baby is most likely to be a girl. Seriously..... I am happy for them... but at the same time, my heart is filled with sadness, loneliness and yearning for the baby we lost 2 mos ago. Is this normal? I just hope so..
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Yesterday was Mother's Day, while we were celebrating with both families, we passed by SM dept store and bought some toiletries. While paying, the lady in the cashier booth greeted me with a smile a "Happy Mother's Day" after giving me my change. I just gave her a tight smile, but, in reality, i wanted to give her a "bonk" in the head. Not all married women are mothers.
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During lunch time yesterday, my 7 year old sis-in-law innocently asked me if I am a mother. After thinking for awhile, i finally said "NO" and explained to her what a mother is.
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Since hubby arrived 2 Thurs ago, people have been giving me unsolicited advices to give it a try (having a baby) again. Not easy... For starters, my health, not yet normal. I still have blood tests to complete.
We're not emotionally ready threading the pregnancy waters again. At least, not yet...
1 comment:
i think i know how it feels... my brother and wife is pregant now should be shooting for the 4th month. while i am thrilled for them, i also can't help feeling slightly jealous. am not as excited for them as i wish. i dun feel like buying baby stuffs for them (hopefully yet) for my folks to pass to them as they visit them in Spore like 1x/mth. at the same time i worry for my SIL as now i begin to appreciate that pregnancy is never easy not until you actually have successfully given birth to a lively kicking screaming baby (or am i paranoid now??)... i pray things go smoothly for them.
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