the week that was

last wednesday, i met up with my friend, Ianne, and my inaanak, Riley. i accompanied her to her pre-natal visit at Asian Hospital. Interestingly, her OB is an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) and specializes on PCOS. i google'd up her name and found out that she's pretty well known in her field and has LOTs of articles and interviews re. PCOS.

-------

anyhoo, it was also on a wed that I received lots, and i mean LOTS, of lab requests that will be taken at PGH. These tests should be able to help us pinpoint the reason on why our 2nd angel has his/her heart stopped beating during his/her 6th week of gestation. 2 tests will be performed once hubby comes home. It's just too bad we were not able to have karyotyping so that we'll know the EXACT cause. On the good side, undertaking those tests will definitely help us in my next pregnancy. =)

--------

i finally enrolled in a gym!!! Gold's gym Alabang branch gave us a good deal. It was so great that i actually enrolled in a 15-month program! =) =) =) wish ko lang kaya ko to! =) btw, i got 180 visits for 15 mos. Not bad, really, especially if you get to consume everything. =) Folks, check nyo ko after 15 mos if i lost 30 lbs na ah! hehehehe!

-------

last night, i met up with my hs friends, Ianne and Vhenj, for some bonding time. You see, Ianne is scheduled to leave the Phils for good. She'll be joining her hubby in Australia together with their son, Riley, and their new bebe. =) I'm kinda sad and happy at the same time. Sad coz I'll be missing her pretty badly =( and happy coz they'll be together finally! =) i got to meet Vhenj's new luv as well. Mike, it was nice meeting you! =) I hope to hear wedding bells soon! =)

my MMU brushes just arrived!!!

PRESENTING...

small brushes

big brushes

the complete set

aren't they a beauty? =) if you are interested, check out www.beautyandminerals.com

i admit, i am not an expert on make-up but these things might come in handy in the future! =)

signs of the times

I just read a forwarded mail from hubby regarding the financial crisis impacting Dubai. In fact, my father even told me months ago that indeed, more and more engineers and professionals are losing their jobs coz of companies closing down. Mind you, these are just not ordinary local companies but even international companies are closing down affecting more globally diverse people. Probably, a bulk would be coming from Pinas since essentially, we comprise a big percentage of the middle east workforce. It's just sad that this is happening... Hubby even told me that he heard from the news that what has been happening are signs of 'Depression'. Well, am not familiar with THE Great Depression that happened eons ago. I think I better catch up on my history readings. =)

-------

I've seen the impact of the global financial crisis first-hand. I, myself, will be part of the 'unemployed' in a few months time. But, come to think of it, it's actually a blessing in disguise. I will get to focus on TTC (Trying To Conceive) sooner than I thought. =)

this is the day...

this is the day am finally starting with my plans! A few hours from now, am gonna see someone who can hopefully help me with my PCOS. My good friend, Ianne, is going to see her OB as well, and I'll be there to accompany her. I hope I don't get teary-eyed when I see their baby during the ultrasound. =( You see, our baby should be almost the same age as hers if my pregnancy progressed.

After that, we're off to inquire from Gold's Gym Alabang on their membership rates! I AM GOING TO MAKE TIME FOR THIS! Besides achieving my goal to lose weight, hopefully, I want to get my money's worth too. =)

updates...

Am itching to go back to work na.. at the same time, i'm soooooo tamad to do anything at all but stay in front of the computer. haaayy!

anyway, i was fixing my things last night and i saw the ultrasound images of our baby. wala lang! i suddenly went bawling over the images. The song "Lead me Lord" suddenly played in my mind. I desperately asked for God's guidance. I knew what happened was God's way of saying that THERE IS A PERFECT PLAN for each one of us. I am getting there. I just sooo wish I get to see and realize the PERFECT PLAN soon! I understand what happened but there are lapses, yes, there are times when I still question WHY? over and over again. Why can't I nurture a life inside me? Why are there people getting kids who doesn't deserve them at all? Why are there people who resorts to killing their babies just because they are unwanted/accidents? In my mind, there may be reasons. Yes, the means can be inhumane but GOD reveals his PLAN in HIS own perfect time thru these situations. Now, my heart is telling me to TRUST in HIM. And by that, I believe in HIM.

I need to move forward. No need to dwell on the past. Now, I've been making plans on ensuring how my next pregnancy will be successful. I need to conquer PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) by having a healthy lifestyle (lose weight, exercise and eat healthy). Aside from that, I may probably be staying-at-home after my stint @ the BIG BLUE to de-stress. =) Now, THAT I'm reaaalllyyy looking forward to. =)

SMILE

-artist: nat king cole
-peak billboard position # 10 in 1954
-competing versions charted by sunny gale (#19) and david whitfield (#25).
-also charted in 1959 by tony bennett (#73); in 1961 by timi yuro (#42); in
-1962 by ferrante and teicher (#94); and in 1965 by betty everett and jerry
-butler (#42).
Words by john turner and geoffrey parsons and music by charlie chaplin

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile



Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

numb...

we recently lost our baby... it was the most heart crushing thing that has ever happened to me ever since we lost our first baby too last 2007. both babies weren't able to even pass the first trimester... the first one was most likely a blighted ovum. why most likely? coz, when i had the ultrasound, they only saw remnants. I may have already passed the sac and other products of conception when I was passing blood clots the night before; so, my OB just diagnosed it as blighted ovum. Now, the 2nd one, just this Feb, our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I was really devastated when the sonographer told me, "Mrs, walang tibok ng puso". Imagine, i have my cellphone camera aimed at the monitor since my hubby specifically requested for me to capture a video or the least a photograph of our baby. You see, he is on overseas assignment. He had a month-long vacation just prior the holidays, so having that baby is short of a miracle. But then again, i lost the baby...

i can't THINK, i can't BREATH, i can't SLEEP... i just keep on thinking what have I done wrong to deserve this..