numb...

we recently lost our baby... it was the most heart crushing thing that has ever happened to me ever since we lost our first baby too last 2007. both babies weren't able to even pass the first trimester... the first one was most likely a blighted ovum. why most likely? coz, when i had the ultrasound, they only saw remnants. I may have already passed the sac and other products of conception when I was passing blood clots the night before; so, my OB just diagnosed it as blighted ovum. Now, the 2nd one, just this Feb, our baby didn't have a heartbeat. I was really devastated when the sonographer told me, "Mrs, walang tibok ng puso". Imagine, i have my cellphone camera aimed at the monitor since my hubby specifically requested for me to capture a video or the least a photograph of our baby. You see, he is on overseas assignment. He had a month-long vacation just prior the holidays, so having that baby is short of a miracle. But then again, i lost the baby...

i can't THINK, i can't BREATH, i can't SLEEP... i just keep on thinking what have I done wrong to deserve this..